And that's what they all say, don't they? It's sad that most of the time it almost never happens.
MY LIFE STORY.
After my first love, I thought I'd stop believing in love. But I didn't. I only stopped believing in it a little. And that little bit became a myth to me.
You know how most people, their soul names are usually their first lovers? Well, I thought, she was my soul mate. But then I got it all wrong. We were never meant for each other. We just took love for granted; it was practically a blur for us.
I waited for her for a couple of months. Then the day after I got her, I broke her heart. And now, she hates me. She must be thinking, 'What the hell is wrong with this guy? I gave him a chance, and he just decided to throw it away.' Yes, I know what you're thinking. I was being selfish, stupid and what I did was just wrong. I admit I made a mistake. A huge mistake, in fact.
Sometimes when I open up that little box of memory in my head, I regret so badly. I keep telling myself over and over again, that I should never have started it in the first place. Love is just plain stupid. But I was young and stupid then. How was I supposed to know anything about love? How was I supposed to know that love could change our whole life, forever? How was I supposed to know, our first lovers always left a huge, permanent scar inside of us?
I'm going to admit this: Sometimes when I'm feeling so hurt and full of regrets, I cut myself. But I don't do that anymore. I've promised my second lover, that I wouldn't do it anymore. Because I don't want to seeing or knowing that she's sad. I want to keep her happy, always. I love her so much, that I wouldn't do anything to screw up my relationship this time.
I guess, it's a well-known fact that most people, would want experienced people, when they crave for a relationship. That's if, they want a long, lasting relationship. Because why would you want someone who's so inexperienced? I mean, they would just screw it all up. They would screw you up.
And you would never find the strength to forgive them. Or better yet, some of them even stay friends, but they keep their distances. They know their limits. But some, they just don't know their own limits which I think is pretty stupid.
Like my ex, whenever she sees me alone, she sort of gets this happy look on her face, that I wish I could just wipe that stupid smile off her face. She likes to come and talk to me, and then I would always feel embarrassed and pissed off. I don't really show her those things though, because whenever she tries to talk to me or whatever shit, I'll just be showing her that I'm not interested in whatever she has to say, through my facial expression or comebacks.
In other words, 'Fuck off, I don't need your ugly face around here.' But still, she never gets the hint. It drives me insane sometimes. That when I go home, I start to cry. I cry, not because I still have some feelings for her, I don't, it's just that I feel super pissed off at her. Sometimes I just feel like telling her that we're not friends anymore. But I just don't know if I'll just have the guts to ever say that, face to face. Sure, texting is always the best way to handle this sort of shit, but I don't want to text her, because that way's only for wimps.
After my first love, I thought I'd stop believing in love. But I didn't. I only stopped believing in it a little. And that little bit became a myth to me.
You know how most people, their soul names are usually their first lovers? Well, I thought, she was my soul mate. But then I got it all wrong. We were never meant for each other. We just took love for granted; it was practically a blur for us.
I waited for her for a couple of months. Then the day after I got her, I broke her heart. And now, she hates me. She must be thinking, 'What the hell is wrong with this guy? I gave him a chance, and he just decided to throw it away.' Yes, I know what you're thinking. I was being selfish, stupid and what I did was just wrong. I admit I made a mistake. A huge mistake, in fact.
Sometimes when I open up that little box of memory in my head, I regret so badly. I keep telling myself over and over again, that I should never have started it in the first place. Love is just plain stupid. But I was young and stupid then. How was I supposed to know anything about love? How was I supposed to know that love could change our whole life, forever? How was I supposed to know, our first lovers always left a huge, permanent scar inside of us?
I'm going to admit this: Sometimes when I'm feeling so hurt and full of regrets, I cut myself. But I don't do that anymore. I've promised my second lover, that I wouldn't do it anymore. Because I don't want to seeing or knowing that she's sad. I want to keep her happy, always. I love her so much, that I wouldn't do anything to screw up my relationship this time.
I guess, it's a well-known fact that most people, would want experienced people, when they crave for a relationship. That's if, they want a long, lasting relationship. Because why would you want someone who's so inexperienced? I mean, they would just screw it all up. They would screw you up.
And you would never find the strength to forgive them. Or better yet, some of them even stay friends, but they keep their distances. They know their limits. But some, they just don't know their own limits which I think is pretty stupid.
Like my ex, whenever she sees me alone, she sort of gets this happy look on her face, that I wish I could just wipe that stupid smile off her face. She likes to come and talk to me, and then I would always feel embarrassed and pissed off. I don't really show her those things though, because whenever she tries to talk to me or whatever shit, I'll just be showing her that I'm not interested in whatever she has to say, through my facial expression or comebacks.
In other words, 'Fuck off, I don't need your ugly face around here.' But still, she never gets the hint. It drives me insane sometimes. That when I go home, I start to cry. I cry, not because I still have some feelings for her, I don't, it's just that I feel super pissed off at her. Sometimes I just feel like telling her that we're not friends anymore. But I just don't know if I'll just have the guts to ever say that, face to face. Sure, texting is always the best way to handle this sort of shit, but I don't want to text her, because that way's only for wimps.
So, I just need some guts, please.
Written with ♥,
Rafael.
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